How to Avoid Victim Blaming

When it comes to improving marriage communication, sometimes we look past the place where the actual issues lie, and begin searching them out somewhere they do not exist. This means that we search for the source of our marital issues somewhere they are not. This includes blaming financial troubles, blaming other stresses, and blaming your spouse. Sometimes, we need to look in the most obvious place first – within ourselves.

In life, we should always begin by looking at ourselves when it comes to issues that are plaguing our lives. It does not always mean it is our fault, but sometimes we find that we are not quite the victim of circumstance that we previously believed. Self-assessments are a valid way to logically begin seeking out an issue. Our first instinct may be to begin by looking at what our spouse may have done to us, and what fault lies with them. This type of behavior may lead to further issues within the marriage such as divorce. This is never the correct order to begin seeking out the truth.

In seeking the truth, we are simply seeking a solution. By seeking blame, we are not seeking a solution, we are seeking justification for our anger, pain, and hurt. Being constructive means to honestly want to find what the issue is stemming from, and where the source lies.

If it seems as though your spouse is always complaining about the same issue with your relationship, maybe it is high-time you take a step back and self-assess. Before asking your partner to do anything, first stop and think, “What could I be doing wrong? Where could I improve? Have I made a promise I did not keep? Do I not spend enough time tending to their needs? What can I do to improve?” Asking yourself these questions, and more, can often lead to a startling revelation.

Understanding that the problem just may lie with your own actions or inactions should prompt you to further explore the matter. Seek the truth, not justification, and you are genuinely seeking a solution. Remember, you made a vow to your partner. Whether it is a brand new marriage, or you have been together for decades – live up to the promise you have made to your spouse, and for better or for worse, give it your all.

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