Mediation is a valuable resource when it comes to open negotiations with your spouse. It enables you the ability to work out disagreements and finalize open-ended discussions. However, mediation is not the most effective course of action in all cases. There are several scenarios in which mediation is not advantageous to you.

When Domestic Violence Persists

In the event your spouse physically or emotionally abuses you, mediation is not an ideal solution due to the imbalance of confidence or stability during sessions. This may stunt your ability to stand up for yourself or properly and effectually speak your mind openly and candidly. In this instance, your lawyer is best suited to speaking on your behalf in a private forum with your spouse’s representative.mediation sign

If mediation is a mandatory requirement set forth by the court, your lawyer may assist you by requesting ‘separate' mediation. This way, you and your spouse will never have to be at the same place, at the same time.

When Substance Abuse Persists

Substance abuse is another factor rendering mediation services ineffectual. If your spouse is suffering from a substance abuse problem, it carries a high probability that their sense of reasoning or emotional stability would be negatively affected during these meetings.

When Parties DO NOT Fully Disclose Financials

Full financial disclosure is important during mediation. It is paramount during the mediation process, as you are both there to work out agreements on property, financial obligation, and other assets, among other things. If your spouse is withholding information or being too controlling against you, it may render the sessions fruitless.

This is another scenario where we would take action on your behalf.

When Mediation Works

If you and your spouse want to remain in good standing with one another, then mediation is a positive step toward resolving disagreements, or sensitive issues where you feel if you approached the subject directly with your spouse, it may seem negative or offensive.

How to Suggest Mediation

During the divorce process, sometimes emotions can run hot and you may even suffer from depression. You and your spouse may not be on the best terms, in regards to speaking, or just getting through to one another. One may also carry a feeling of resentment or distrust for the other and this can sometimes be because of differences in age between the couple and many other things.

Approaching the idea of mediation with your spouse may be a good idea, but conveying this logic may be difficult, or impossible. If you and your spouse have obtained representation you could offer this idea to your lawyer, and they would be able to approach your spouses representative.Your spouse may be more receptive or open to the idea if it is coming from his/her own attorney.

If you feel this proposal would be best offered by you directly, there are several key factors to consider. Preparing yourself beforehand by doing the appropriate research is very important so to be able to answer any questions your spouse may have. Keeping a calm and positive demeanor is also very important in the approach.

Start off by explaining the fact you both may not agree on certain issues, but it is better to have everything worked out before going to court. Explain the key points and benefits that you feel you both may experience through the mediation process.

Explain that it is better for the children to remain amicable, and to not let heated emotions or the inability to agree on everything keep you both from moving on quickly, while remaining responsible, positive, and constructive.

Dan Exner, J.D.

Family Law Attorney

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