One of the key elements to a successful marriage is to develop the virtue of patience. This sounds like “waiting” and nobody likes to wait, but it’s more than that. Having patience means not having your emotions get all riled up, your blood pressure elevated, or your heart beating furiously. All this over something you probably cannot change or maybe haven’t even discussed in a calm, rational manner to begin with.
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Being impatient is not a good place to be and is not fun to look at, either. Whenever a situation arises that “tries your patience” you may wish you could change the other person, but what you really want to do is change their behavior, not change the person you love.
Stop and think about it calmly, and decide if that is a discussion you might have with them. Be sure also, to take your time in thinking about what you want to say during this talk. That should take at least a few minutes, and hopefully, give you time to get your emotions under control.
Another thing you might think about is how many things you do to make your partner impatient, and how many times they wished they could change your behavior. This should bring a smile to your face and hopefully give you a moment to pause and consider your own actions and what you do that brings about their irritations from time to time.
In a marriage, communication is essential to building and maintaining a strong relationship right along with having patience with one another. Finding a nice, quiet time when you are both fresh and well rested might provide the perfect opportunity for you to discuss your “pet peeves” about each other, and see if you can find some compromises that works for you both.
Sometimes, just bringing out the issues helps to resolve them. Things may not get better overnight, but with a little patience, you can start to make progress.
Holly Mullin, J.D.
Family Law Attorney