Marriage communication is more than just talking. It is the way in which spouses speak with one another. Do simple conversations with your spouse quickly turn into arguments? Do you find that you or your partner quickly become defensive? Do you wish that you could both get your points across or have a simple conversation without getting all worked up? We've got some more great exercises to help you have better, happier and healthier conversations.

The Importance of Communication

Communication is vital to long term marriage happiness. To communicate with your partner on a level that both of you are happy with, sometimes you need to put yourself in their shoes. Try and see their point of view and how they are feeling to better communicate with each other. Neither one of you should ever feel like you must fight for dominance in order to be heard. In marriage, you should both feel like you're on equal ground, trying to maintain high spirits in regards to your communication efforts. To explore the many stages of communication, you must first take a step back and realize that even though you have been together for a long time, you still need to put effort into the communication aspect of the relationship.


Taking Turnscommunication

Try to take turns speaking, and don't speak over each other. Never start the conversation with, “you make me feel”, because this may immediately place your spouse on the defense. Instead, try starting out with the phrase, “I am feeling.” After you have explained how you are feeling, ask your partner to repeat what you said in their own words to see if they understood you correctly. If they have not, politely say thank you, but that does not fully explain how you feel. Try to clearly explain yourself again, making sure to focus on the points your partner may have missed. This exercise will help you and your spouse clarify your points, ensuring that you both understand how the other is feeling. You can then work together on making any necessary changes.


Another great exercise is to take a deep breath – telling yourself that you will go into the conversation with only the intention of love and care in your heart. There are some things you should never say to your spouse; things that could take a huge toll on your marriage. But, if your spouse sees that you are starting the conversation out on a gentle, loving note, they may follow suit and see that there is no need to put up their defenses. This will make for a happy, healthy conversation. You can also start the conversation out by validating your spouse's feelings and explaining to them that you understand and respect the way they feel. You may then continue with the conversation, but because you started the conversation out by showing your spouse understanding, they should respect that, as well.

Dan Exner, J.D.

Family Law Attorney

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