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The reasons for divorce range, and are personal. However, once you have made the decision, you must figure out the best way to tell your spouse.

This is not always easy, depending on your specific circumstances. More difficult yet, is how to tell the children.

Telling Your Spouse

Respect is a big word when it comes to the relationship you have shared with your spouse, and showing that respect through compassion is always a good idea.

Divorces can be extremely difficult on both sides, so if you have decided to end the marriage for reasons other than infidelity or abuse, compassion is key. Many couples find they have grown apart through time, have age gaps that are too much to overcome, or are on different paths or have different aspirations and goals in life. Whatever your decisions may be based on, approaching this conversation should be thought through and done sooner, rather than later.sad child

You should go over what you are going to say, and how you are going to say it. Most of the time, once a relationship has reached this level of degradation, both sides are well aware of what’s coming.

However, there are times when it is one-sided. One spouse has reached this point but the other continues without this realization. You must always keep in mind that just because you have reached this point, your spouse may be in for a great deal of shock and pain. That is why showing respect for the reasons you got married in the first place is very important during this conversation.

Telling Your Children

If you think telling your spouse will be difficult, telling children is like climbing Mount Everest.

This conversation, must be handled with a large amount of compassion and respect. Keep in mind that your children will likely not understand, or agree with your decision.

Children do not know the inner turmoil a parent may go through, and may not recognize a deteriorating relationship. They also most likely will not feel the way you do toward your spouse. Respecting their feelings is vital in this situation.

In fact, this conversation is best after you have talked to your spouse and have come to an agreement. Then, the conversation should take place with you and your spouse present in order to console them, and answer the volume of questions they will ask.

It a good idea to have them talk to a counselor in order enable them to better deal with their feelings right away. Children who go through a divorce tend to get emotionally scared. They will think it was their fault and they could have done something to prevent a divorce. Actively engaging children throughout the months ahead is the only way to ensure they are not left with a hole emotionally.

Despite the relationship between you and your spouse, remember, your children need both of you. Letting them know they will not lose either one of you is crucial for the stability and healthy development of their emotional and mental wellbeing.

Trisha Festerling, J.D.

Family Law Attorney

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