Communication as a whole can be considered an art form. Descriptive words used in an abstract sense can illustrate emotion like no other art form. The same is true for descriptive actions.
When we speak to one another, our natural instincts to convey our needs, the way we feel, or our thoughts are usually filtered. This filter tells us our chances of getting through to the individual with whom we are communicating with. The other side of filtering is ownership, or right. This sense of ownership sometimes gets in the way of our filter. It is the feeling we sometimes get that says, we have a right to feel this way or expect this from the other person. That is why some people speak rudely and others speak politely. It is basically ownership vs. filter.
During the course of a marriage, we become increasingly comfortable around our spouse. This feeling is reinforced by routine. We routinely do certain things throughout our day, or act a certain way throughout our day, and the other finds an expectancy in that. A sudden change of routine or action may result in a hostile reaction from your partner. This is because they have developed a form of expectancy, or ownership. This ownership stems from knowing what to expect and feeling in control of daily situations.
This is where many problems lie. This comfortable feeling of control becomes rattled if a partner does something outside of the realm of expectancy.
In these scenarios, it is always best practice to realize that you are the one acting differently and deciding to change things up. Your partner is the same. This concept only provides a stepping stone towards understanding and patience, it does not mean you admit wrongdoing.
When we decide to shake things up a bit, we have elected to paint a picture that illustrates our increasing desire for change. Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, your partner may witness this change and interpret your illustration as dissatisfaction with them personally. This is where filter and art should meet.
Understand what your spouse must be feeling and use words that will get through to them. No one knows your spouse like you. Use words reminiscent of an artist. Your brush is your words and your canvas is your spouse. Paint a picture that they love and understand. By doing this, you may avoid fear and confusion so that both of you can get a change of pace– together.
If communication between you and your spouse is faltering, it’s a good idea to contact a good Family Attorney for advice.
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