So the saying goes: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The perspective of the emotional qualities of men and women are not always cut and dried. An imbalance of communication may lead to what seems to be a conversation with someone from another world – but it’s not. Finding that balance will once again will plant you and your spouse’s feet firmly on the ground, bringing you both back to Earth.
Does it sometimes feel as though you and your spouse are disconnected at an emotional level? Some who feel this way also find themselves waiting for their significant other to finally “come around”. When we find ourselves here, we find that it is a very lonely place. Communication between married couples can find itself strained over a multitude of reasons; financial problems, disagreements over how to raise the kids, difficulties at work, and yes – a waning sexual relationship.
With the myriad of complications that can seem to drive a wedge between your communications, the key is finding what the problem is to begin with. Do not grasp this concept as a crutch to lean on, use it to help yourself better understand YOUR issues – not your spouses. By each of you taking responsibility for your own faults, you refrain from pointing a finger at your partner. You refrain from playing the “blame game”.
Remember, it is your responsibility to focus your love and attention on your spouse – not to make them feel less than. If you find him or her emotionally unavailable when it comes to communication, lead by example. Marriage equality is more than just making decisions together, it is also about being strong when the other is not. Speaking directly can sometimes make all the difference in the world. If you know what the problem is, don’t let it remain “unsaid”. Lay it out on the table! Do this with kind, constructive speech. Use your words to make your partner stronger, do not use them to tear him or her down.
Speaking directly can also get to the bottom of an issue. Being direct can often times eradicate a prolonged silence, or diffuse a tense situation that can lead to an argument. When you don’t know what to say, say what is in your heart. Say anything to get the ball rolling. The key to improving communication with your spouse is communication itself. Communicate the fact that you are having trouble communicating, talk about what’s bothering you, or ask what’s bothering your partner. Failing communication can often be rectified through questions. Remember, you are married for a reason. Hold on to that reason when facing communication issues.
Avoid a war of the worlds. Improving your marriage communication will only lead to a healthier, more honest relationship. Unless you were born on Venus or Mars – realizing that you and your spouse are, in fact, not from different worlds will help to remind you that communication with your partner is not impossible. It just may take a little extra effort sometimes.
If you feel you can't avoid the war of the worlds, please contact me for advice on what to do next.
Family Law Attorney